2 months old.

I’m still not entirely sure how I want to go about formatting these monthly updates. I guess since I’m such a stickler for organization I’ll stick with what I did last month. Although don’t let the categories fool you, parenting is HARDLY something that can be compartmentalized. But it’s a start.

So here we are, the two month old mark! I don’t feel like time is flying like everyone seems to think I should. It feels like Linden has been around FOREVER. I think when your life is super, super full it feels like much more time has passed than really has, as opposed to leading a somewhat boring life where time just sort of evaporates because there’s nothing meaningful cementing it down.

Our time with Linden is nothing if not meaningful. Every day is chock full to the brim with meeting her needs and lovin’ on her. But I’m not going to lie, I think this month has been kind of hard. But also amazing: she is growing and developing so much it blows my mind.

Eating

Breastfeeding is still going great! I’m at that blissful “second nature” point I dreamed of many moons ago. Now it mostly feels as easy as whipping out the boob whenever Linden’s hungry!

The thrush has gotten much better (now it’s just a mild coating on her tongue) and I’m fine after a round of Diflucan for myself. I still have random stinging sensations, but I think that’s just my boobs doing their thang. My milk production is pretty good and yeah, no complaints there.

Linden did gain weight at her two month appointment, but not as much as I would have hoped. She gained a pound – from 8.5 to 9.5 lbs. Our doctor is not concerned, but I, of course, still fret. She’s only in the 25th percentile for weight. I KNOW it’s just a number and I KNOW she’s totally fine, but I can’t help but get caught up in the comparison game. Especially when other people/moms are all “what a cute chunky baby” or “wow, that (95th percentile) baby looks so HEALTHY!” It implies that a wee little girl like Linden is somehow NOT. But Kevin and I are small people, so I’m not sure why I’m all that surprised. Still. I feel insecure whenever someone comments “she’s so little.” So, PSA: don’t freak a new mom out with comments like this. Thank you.

Linden has always been a spitter and I personally feel that’s been part of the problem…she wasn’t holding down enough of her food. In the last week or so her spitting up has decreased and incidentally, her appetite has increased. I don’t know if the two are related. I think she was having some reflux issues as well (gagging and such), but those seem to have abated recently too. I’m sure if you’re reading this and have or have had a baby, you know what a fucking mystery a baby’s digestion system is! I’m convinced time is really the only remedy.

Dear cloth diaper gods, I have sinned. I completely disregarded the memo not to use rash creams with my BG 4.0s and smeared L’s butt with them religiously while fighting yeast. And then I had to pay the piper when the dipes started to repel.

I think we’re back in business though after a few rounds of bleach (note to BumGenius users – bleach does not affect the color, at least it didn’t for me!), OxyClean, and Dawn detergent to strip. The cream residue seems to be gone. I personally think it’s BS that you can’t use creams with a CD (and I’m talking about all creams, not just CD-friendly ones – Triple Paste is the bomb for a stubborn rash and then we used Nystatin for the yeast rash), so someone should really get on that!

We’re still using disposables at night and when she’s rashy. I’m following the rules from here on out!

Sleeping

The first sentence to come flying out of my fingers is “Linden is a great sleeper!” And she is a decent sleeper, I will give the muffin that. We can count on a good 5-6 and sometimes 7 hour stretch at night, usually for the first part. If I might toot her horn a little more, she is awesome about going right back down once she’s been nursed and changed. A lot of times I don’t even have to wait until she’s fully asleep, though sometimes I do…just for my own sanity. Nothing feels as good as that moment when the baby goes back to sleep and so can you! Y’all know what I’m talking about.

I can honestly say that I will look back on these first few months and remember them as not being that bad in the sleep department. I’m tired often, but I’m not a walking zombie. Usually I feel pretty good! I’m lucky, I guess?

But oh, I feel my time is coming. It has to, right? I mean, let’s talk about naps. Linden is NOT a great napper. Unless of course you’re driving across three states to grandpa’s house in Kentucky or watching the Broncos game in a bar. Then she naps like a rock star. But at home? Naps are currently a struggle.

It used to be that she’d pass out in her Rock N Play several times a day and that would constitute her daytime napping. I didn’t have to do anything, she just did it. Now she gets tired (and fussy…oh the fussy, more on this later), but fights going to sleep. I’ll admit I’m a little lazy with this; I sit on the couch holding her while she naps or put her in the Bjorn or Moby or put her in the Rock N Play and hope for the best, and she’ll crash for a little bit. But she always wakes up relatively soon and I can tell she hasn’t had enough sleep because it’s right back to rubbing her eyes, yawning, or being fussy.

The solution, I think, is to get better about creating a REAL sleep environment for nap time — dark, quiet, white noise, bed. BED. Oh god, don’t get me started on that. Linden does NOT like being put down in her crib or Pack N Play for naps. As soon as she hits the sheet it’s BAM! Wake up time. This doesn’t happen at night, though. Thankfully!

Now’s about the time where you want to give me sleep advice, isn’t it? There are sooooooo many opinions about baby sleep. And lord, it’s easy for me to go down the sleep training rabbit hole, second guess myself, and become convinced I’m screwing up Linden’s sleep for life. But at the end of the day, it’s my life, my baby and ultimately I need to do what works for me, for Kevin and for my Lindy Lu. I suspect this will be a mash-up of all kinds of approaches to sleep. Y’all, the fun is just beginning!

Let’s talk about the little accessory in Linden’s mouth up there for a second. I’ve always felt a twinge of guilt about using a paci, but could never pinpoint why. I guess the subtle comments by certain members of the older generation weaseled their way into my psyche?

Lo, I have confidently come to the conclusion that I have no problem using the paci, though I did recently wonder if maybe I was plugging it into her mouth a little too automatically? Don’t get me wrong, the paci is not a sub for my boob (unless we’re like in the car or some place it’s not immediately accessible) or my lovin’, but damn if it isn’t a good, well, pacifier.

When I say that two months is hard, I mean it’s hard because dealing with fussiness is hard. Sometimes super fucking hard. A mother with a colicky baby would take one look at Linden and laugh me all the way to Timbuktu; she’s really pretty good. I know this. I know I have an easy baby.

But even easy babies fuss and some days are worse than others. We’ve had some evening meltdowns that have had me in tears. Hearing and seeing Linden scream bloody murder and worse, not being able to DO anything about it, is the most heart-wrenching and frustrating thing. It’s exhausting and sad and I find myself wishing away these fussy days all too often.

So back to the pacifier: it works wonders. I probably should think about dialing it back just a smidge though, and not reflexively reach for it at every whimper while I’m perusing Instagram on my phone. (I know, I’m a terrible mother.)

Development, Etc.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: watching your child develop and grow is the absolute best — and most fun — thing about parenthood.

The smiles! Oh my god, THE SMILES. Enough cute to kill you dead. When I think I can’t possibly deal with another fussy episode, Linden will break out one of these bad boys and melt my heart.

Also up there on the cuteness scale — “talking.” It’s amazing. She coos and gurgles and, well, does exactly what all the baby books says she’ll do. However, I’m convinced Linden does it more than most babies. She talks a lot. My little over-achiever.

Gone are the days of just sittin’ around. Linden loves laying on her play mat or on a blanket on the floor surrounded by toys. My sister got her a cool (non-babyish) mobile for Christmas and she is so into it. She also loves getting read to, staring out the window, and recently became aware of herself in the mirror.

Her development is one of the reasons I wished I blogged little Linden tidbits more often. It’s something new every day! For instance, I was just changing her diaper, which is when I give her her Vitamin D drop. Well, I missed and it landed on her bottom lip. I demonstrated with my tongue to lick it off and she studied me hard for a second and then…did it!

Another recent thing she’s into: sitting up! She’s not as content with lying in our arms. She loves to perch up and look out over our shoulders. Her head control is getting so strong! I can almost carry her around with my arm under her bum sitting up unsupported. Such a big girl! I know rolling over is coming soon…

Her hair is still adorable and wild. When I was at my postpartum appointment the nurse, an older lady, goes “Look at that hair. Not much you can do with it, can you?” No ma’am. Not much at all. I’m simultaneously worried it will stay that way forever and that I’ll be sad when it’s gone. It’s definitely her signature look!

She is such a major daddy’s girl. I feel like a lot of the time she settles down much quicker with Kev, possibly because she’s tired of staring at mama’s mug all day. I think we both look forward to when daddy gets home from work! I still think she’s his mini-me, but I definitely see myself in her too. Biology is amazing, ain’t it?

As I mentioned, we went to Kentucky for Christmas. The trip was both fun and extremely tiring. I was so scared Linden would be ultra fussy at all the wrong times, but she was great. Lots of smiles for grandpa, fine when passed around to different family members, slept pretty decently (it was the first time she slept flat in a Pack N Play instead of the bassinet attachment, which is now gone for good!). We packed in our days with activity and she hung in there. I think it was so good for her, as much as I often wished we were just chillin’ at home in our normal routine. She seemed to mature so much last week.

So I think that pretty much covers month two in Lindyland! I truly dig motherhood. Besides loving the pants off this pumpkin, being a mama appeals to the problem-solver in me. The challenges keep me on my toes, that’s for sure! I loathe the word “journey” but that’s pretty much what it is. Each second, minute, day, month…all move us towards raising a little baby into an adult. It is the biggest responsibility…and the greatest joy of my life.

2 month stats

Weight

At 2 month appointment — 9.5 lbs, 25th percentile.

Height

22 inches (I think) — I do know she’s 50th percentile for height

Head

14.75 inches… girl has a tiny little head

Clothes and diapers

0-3 mos in clothes, size 1 in disposables, 2 empty snaps on front of BGs but still snapped up in newborn mode

Likes

Breastmilk, getting her diaper changed and kicking around with her diaper off (when nothing else works to stop the fussies I take her diaper off. Girl loves the feeling of air on her bum!), sitting up over our shoulders, walks and car rides, the baby Bjorn (but not so much the Moby anymore…I think because she can’t see out), staring at lights, her mobile, baths with mama, meeting all her developmental milestones — many of them early (so proud!)

Dislikes

Her Old Navy fleece jacket (sooooo ill-fitting and hard to get on), napping in her bed, being left alone in her chair, spitting up and gas pains, Tom Waits